Often when people ask how I’m doing I just respond with workloads, my ineptitude, my spiritual lacking, my inability, and how behind I am in my course. I am a whiner, sick. But lately God has started to answer a prayer, and definitely from the prayer support I have been getting, things are becoming to be a little different.
Being a child of privilege and easily pleased I never really had to work hard for much for there was little I truly wanted. But I think this phase and season the Lord has graced me in has caused my hands to be calloused with work, my eyes rusty from wear, and my body tired from abuse. And I think it’s changing me a bit… the quickest way to explain is just that I know it’s making my skin a bit thicker, rougher, and more resilient as well as a greater maturity overall and taking ownership.
However, often I get burnt out. Doing homework for +40 hours a week outside of school, 9 hours of school, with 6 other hours of required extracurricular drains me. There have definitely been days where I’ve wondered what I’m doing here and just stare at the screen of my computer instead of homework. But it’s met pretty firmly in the Lord when I pray for strength and he answers me by drawing my attention off of myself and to think of the broken, the forgotten, the naked, the hungry and changing my relationship with Him that affects my eternity and I get this exhilaration of adrenaline as if I’m listening to Katy Perry for the first time.
I think I’ve realized that in this school… A lot of the Christian walk is like about the sustained overtime commitment rather than doing awesome in short spurts. Which is contrary to our culture now… if you play any kind of competitive sport it’s about the burst, sprinting, dashing…the ’20 seconds of courage’ it takes to ask out a girl, living out the walk only on missions, or following the diet/exercise for x months. Or doing/getting things when the time calls for it. But I found out for me usually what breaks or makes institutions in life are not things that happen within 15 minutes or even over night.
After these two years of intense running after God I think this is the first time I have begun to feel like a man. A life of the boring, keeping close to the commandments of God, and the mystery of his gospel and just pouring my life into this book and struggling and striving for a better relationship with God. And here comes the standard tagline in all Christian posts… not that I have it done or that it’s been a smooth ride. It took me like two years to realize this in my heart… I feel like there’s different levels in the heart of understanding…I dunno, either way it definitely became more real and the weightiness of life has also hit me too. Things important today probably won’t be important the next year. Love well!