Before class took my Thursday nights away I used to attend a Christian College Fellowship. In my freshman year it was a fair size of around 15 regulars. My best friend, Mack, agreed to accompany me on the speculation that there would a new set of female faces.
Afterward we would usually hang around and loiter at the venue. While I was catching up with an old friend of mine, Mack for some unbeknown reason was trying to break dance. His handicap was only that he did not know how… he found that his awkward attempts of off-beat jumping and hand shuffling was very discouraging…soon he was just doing Tae Kwon Do moves… Jumping snap-kicks, round houses, inside/outside crescent kicks isolated him from others until —
Josh: OWWW…aww… my… oww…
Mack: What happened?
Josh: YOU KICKED ME… IN MY GROIN.
Mack: What…I didn’t feel a thing. Why would you walk into my kicks, anyways?!
Josh: I didn’t! It HURTS!
Mack: Don’t be such a girl… I barely touched you…I’m sorry.
Apparently one of Mack’s roundhouses had lightly brushed Josh’s scrotum, through his pants. This is awkward, I thought, as the whole room’s attention was soon given to the two in the middle. The incident did not die down at all, as Josh continued to complain and give Mack a hard time.
Me: Let him kick you back in the crotch!
I joked. Fully forgetting Mack’s extremely masochistic-competitive nature.
Mack: You know what, that’s a good idea, here Josh, kick me back.
Mack: Here, return the favor..!
Mack shifted his footing, spreading the distance between his feet. Mack started taunting Josh with his hands as if he was a wrestler, commanding/demanding sexual innuendo. Oh my God…This is so dumb…But awesome! I thought.
Jason: Hey, tuck your jeans under your feet, so it’ll reduce the impact!
Jason chuckled as he commented. Jason was another member.
Mack: That’s a good idea..! (Mack smiles as he kicks off his sandal and tucks the ends of his jeans under his heels, and stands on his jeans with his legs spread apart, creating a trampoline-like damage reduction?)
Almost shouting…Mack continued to taunt Josh.
Mack: C’mon, bring it! Doh it.
Josh: uhh… (Josh gets into a good posture but looks very hesitant)
Josh: aww… You sure?
Mack: Doh it!
Mack began chopping his crotch to demonstrate the resilience of his new found impact-mitigating technique.
Mack: Doh it!
The girls came in from outside, finishing their gossip just in time to see Mack, with his legs spread, chopping at his crotch. His taunts became louder and his chops faster and harder until — *TSHERRR* … Mack’s hand did not come back up for another chop. I had already made my way up to the front row of this show…to see that Mack had chopped a hole into his pants, in front of everyone… Everyone began to laugh, and Mack began to exhibit his boxers to everyone.